Everything Changes, Everything Stays The Same
Isn't this an interesting concept? On first glance, this appears to be an oxymoron, but as time goes on (which is all it does), this idea seems to nudge its way into my path frequently. Both parts are inherently wrong of course, but there is a truth to it that canĀ“t be denied. I guess this thought has crept into my head most recently because a few people that I have became good friends with, have left me. The longer I stay, the more people I meet, the more people that leave me. Constant change, just like always.
Sometimes when people leave, you never think about them again. They made their mark on your life, there is no doubt in that, the footprint is there whether you'd like it to be or not. But they are not integral to the person that you will become. And sometimes when people leave, you are left with a moment of complete shock-like wow, I will really miss this person a lot. It leaves an initial emptiness, but in time, you will meet more people and make new memories and in some way try to fill that void. But as much as you may try to kick some dirt over the hole, it will always be there and those memories will always belong to the two of you. Nobody else will ever fill your holes for you and its just as good that this is the case. And in these initial moments post-departure, you may find yourself surprised by what comes to mind. You may find thoughts and feelings that you never knew existed, that didn't exist until now, or that you knew existed and did your best to cover up. It can be a tough task to figure out from which well these emotions came, but once that person has left, there isn't much to be done about it-it is what it is. So is it better to know of a pending departure and invest energy into finding how you feel, or is it better to deal with whatever it is (and remember, it may be nothing, a fleeting glimpse) once it has happened? I have always tried to be true with myself, but in these moments I find myself questioning whether or not I could have been more open with myself. Why do I feel differently now that the person has gone? Did I ever appreciate them fully? There are no guarantees in either friendships or relationships and all will end someday. What a depressing notion. This being the case, we are left trying to find the things that are true and lasting. So what can be done? A common theme in what I have written is the necessity to live the moment. Like a shooting star, life can only be truly enjoyed the moment it occurs. I think this all that can be done; enjoy the time with those that make you happy, that give you lasting memories, and that help you to figure out something about yourself, the world, whatever it may be. These are the real moments and are the only moments that really matter.
So now as I remember my friends that have left me, I look forward to those that are just around the corner. I look forward to the memories that I have yet to make, but am cautious not to fill my holes with the dirt of others. As my experiences become memories, the only thing Im sure of is that everything will change and by doing so, everything will remain the same.