Ok, so maybe I never actually live up to the promise of more frequent posts, so I dont blame any of you whom have given up on reading, but if you're here, congrats on persevering. I think part of the problem is that any time I actually sit down to write, I feel like the task is too tall, there is too much to write about. Ironically, at the exact same time, I feel like I really don't have anything new to tell. There are no dramatic life changes, nothing tangible enough that if described, it tells its own story. Therefore, everytime, I feel like I have too much to tell about nothing really in particular. So, here is my attempt to write about nothing and turn it into something.

As many of you know, I moved to Madrid for the months of November and the majority of December. I think this is where I last left off. All in all, it was a good experience, but left me feeling like there was so much more that could have been experienced. I worked in a sister hostal there and it happened that my boss decided to open another hostel in Madrid at the same time. Long story short, it meant that I didnt have quite as much freedom as I had hoped for. A new hostel, lacking sufficient workers and on a short budget, meant that some of my free time was compromised. This, coupled with the fact that I was living in the hostel, meant that I never really got out and experienced the city. It was as if opium had been injected into our drinking source, Id lay around the hostel when not officially working, and by doing so, worked more. After a little while, however, I got my act together and signed up for Spanish classes and Yoga classes. Both worked out really well and I cant really say which I enjoyed more. The goal is to find the same routine here in Barcelona (my schedule wont be consistent until February, so Im thinking Ill wait until then). What I did experience of Madrid was really good. The people are amazing, in a few short months I made more local friends than all my time spent in Barcelona. Anybody that has spent anytime in Barcelona knows what Im referring to, the Catalans tend to be a distant bunch, preferring to associate with like Catalans. One cant really experience anywhere without having interaction with those that live there, so in this way, I feel like my experience was more genuine. Madrid is a city that oozes history and is full of Spanish culture. This and the fact that everyone speaks spanish (what a crazy thought, no?) made it a refreshing injection of Spain for somebody that had been living in Catalunya. As much reservation as I had leaving Madrid, when I came back to Barcelona on Christmas Eve, I felt like I was back home again. Since then, Ive missed the people and experiences I had in Madrid, but have yet again, seen Barcelona with a rejuvinated lens.

Part of this new lens, however, has been the realization that people fall in love with the city of Barcelona, not so much the people. For those of you that have been, you all understand how enchanting and vibrant it is. But my opinion is that the people arent what stands out. This is in no way meant to be Catalan bashing, the ones that I know I really like, but the fact is, they are not the most inviting group of people. For this reason, the vast vast majority of my Spanish speaking friends are from South and Central America. Another aspect that has greatly changed my lens is the recent news that Matt Bro (my brother) and Tricia (my soon to be sister in law) have finally set a wedding date in late July. So, for the first time since I moved here, there was a date at which point I had to be back in the States. Though to many of you this may seem like a long ways away or the idea that Ill be here for another 5-6 months may sound like an eternity, but for me, it doesnt seem that far away.

As Ive alluded to before, I feel home here and any time you leave a home, there will be huge mix of sentiments, emotions, and thoughts constantly percolating through the brain. Thankfully, this is not an entirely negative cycle of thoughts. At some point, maybe it was when I visited London, maybe it occurred some random day when somebody asked me for the umpteenth time the same question, maybe it was the realization that I am capable of and want so much more, or maybe it was something that I always knew but had repressed, the thought of going back to the States and persuing a new goal became more attractive. Although Im still not ready to say, 'I cant wait to go home and begin a new chapter,' the thought of doing so doesn't sound quite as repulsive as it would have say, after the first 4 months. 16 months after my arrival, the idea of school, a fulfilling career (or at least a step in that direction), and real world responsibilities is palatable. What I do when I come back is still as big of a question as when I left, but Im now in a much better place to begin something new than I was before I left.

When I moved here, I thought maybe id stay 6 months, maybe 9, maybe a year. I never actually thought that things would work out so well, that Id be so happy and that Id end up staying close to two years. I havent completely ruled out the idea of returning here sometime after Matt's wedding, but I know that there isnt realistically a large probability of that happening. Ive talked with some friends here about the idea called the Peter Pan theory. You know how it is, he lives in a fairytale world, without a care in the world, always knowing that tomorrow will be just as good as today and the day prior. But whether its a fantasy or a problem, hes not really progressing in his life. Its not to say that I havent, but as far as career-minded Derek is concerned, its true. Does this experience forever change me and make me a better future candidate, of course but I feel like Ive come to the point where Im not growing as much here as maybe I could in a different setting. Maybe its that life is too easy here, too good. I honestly feel like everyday is a Saturday, workdays arent stressful, there are no tests to study for, no deadlines to be reached, no public speaches to be given, no bosses looking over my shoulder. I think after the enormous amount of shit I had dealt with the 2 years or so prior to my leaving the States, moving here was exactly what I needed. I needed some time to do nothing and be ok with that, which , im not sure is possible in the States. I needed some time to rediscover who I really am, without dealing with so much heartache and pain and guilt. I needed to see that we aren't all meant to be on the fast track to success, money, status, etc. Basically, I needed to spend some time in one of the most laid back, fun, and exciting cities in the world. But all good things do come to an end, and as hard as it is to think about, nonetheless write, when I come home, Ill be ready for whatever it is that I decide to do.

As the locals say here, Hay Que Aprovocharse, in other words seize the moment, or take advantage of your situation, however you want to translate it (maybe if we are lucky Miss Laura Kusnyer aka Big Wig People in Spanish translator will give us the official translation at some point). The point is, I have another 5 1/2 months to play Peter Pan and live in Never-Never-Land. The only difference being that when the moment comes to choose my approaching fork in the road, it will most likely include many of the things that I desired so much to leave in the first place. And the cylce continues....

So, this is the last official offer to all of you to visit me. A golden oppurtunity is slipping through your hands, you know it, I know it. Well leave it at that. Hope you are all enjoying the new year (except for Alhadeff, Kahil, and Ruben, I hope youre all having a terrible year) and preparing for my return in July.