Spanish Vagabond

2008-05-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

So most of you that know me well thought that I had been single, more or less, for the past year and 8 months. Well the truth is, I lied. The truth is that I have fallen in love and am not sure what do to do about our status as my imminent return to the States becomes evermore present. At first I was sure it was lust. I thought it was all about the excitement of our new experiences shared together, puppy love on steroids only further enhanced by great weather, enchanting nights out and enough possibilities that one can't help but feel overwhelmed. It, like all relationships, has had its ups and downs. There have been lulls where it seemed like we both needed some change, but those few moments have been staggeringly outweighed by the times that my life could not possibly have felt better than in that present moment, the two of us together. At some point years ago, my Mom told me that if a love is meant to be, that it will always be there. If two are truly destined by the gods, that they will inevitably be drawn back together. If the love is fleeting, than both will go off their separate ways. The hopeless romantic that I am, I can only hope that these fairytale endings really happen in our present world. I can't say that I hope for one result and not the other, only that I hope for the result which leads to my utmost happiness. Its painful to think of leaving her, we've been together almost two years now, so many amazing memories and now that I'm leaving, all the bad ones...wait, were there really any bad ones? But isn't this way it always go, once things come to an end, if there is any doubt, only to good memories come to mind? Now I can't help but think that maybe I took her for granted a little too much, that maybe had I put a little more in that I would have gotten back what was necessary to stay together. I feel like I did my best to show my love. I feel like I was cognizant of how special our situation was. But I can't help but wonder, hope, despair, lament, or be grateful for everything that was, is and will or won't be in the future. Is it possiblee that this is really it? Just like that its over, we say our goodbyes and go off in search of somebody else. Im not even sure anybody else could make me feel this way, will I ever get back that feeling that we had? I feel like I want to vomit, no seriously. Constantly on my mind, whether consciously or not. But this is what love does to us, it makes all crazy. We lose sight of reality, we blur the past, we cloud the future. But the decision has been made, on June 26th I will catch my flight to New York. At this point that is about the only thing that I am sure of. On June 26th, whether forever or not, Barcelona,Spain and I will break up.

I think that change is inevitable and I think that change is good. I think it is when we grow the most, whether we want to or not. Just because we grow however, does not mean that it is an easy thing to do or enjoyable experience. Ever since my realization that I have a date to be home by occurred, I started experiencing my own growing pains. I've done my best to enjoy exactly what I have in exactly this moment, but it has been a challenge knowing that I won't have what I have now in a matter of months. I've referred to home, or the idea of it, in a few of my posts. And as I've mentioned, I've felt at home here basically since I came. I think our home is basically that place which allows you to be you, without worrying about fitting an image or achieving some standard. It is where you find peace with your present situation and are allowed to follow the path in which you are best-suited. Barcelona has been my home and what Im soon to find out when I get back to the States is where my home will reside in the near future. I feel like a few months outside of my glass box will be a good eexperience, however painful it might be. Whether I decide that I really am fulfilled here or simply enjoying the ease and comfort with which I live my life, doesn't matter. What matters is that I see it for what it is and thus will be ready to choose my next step.

So what's on the platter you ask? To start, I'm headed back to Calistoga and to my house where I'll live with my Mom. Maybe a few months maybe more, maybe less, I really don't know right now. I think I'll look for a job as a server in a nice restaurant or maybe work in a winery and am willing to work a lot in hopes of saving some money. Afterwards, well thats the thing, I dont know the next chapter yet. The way I see it, there are a few options. For one, I've applied through the Spanish government to teach English here, somewhere in Spain. I'm not sure where I would go, but regardless, if given the job would make very strong considerations in returning. I would be working 12-15 hours per week and making 700 euros per month, which would be very good pay for the amount of time worked. With my extra time, I would find another job (hopefully, depending on where I went) and actually save some euros. It would be a solid option both according to something that would be really enjoyable as well as make financial sense. Another idea would be to possibly move to San Francisco. If, while home, I decide that I'm ready, I could look for a job and see if I find something that both interests me and pays the bills. Maybe I'd look into grad school, maybe I'd find a job in a field related to either physical therapy, kinesiology, exercise science, etc. If I do decide to go to grad school, it would most likely be after having gotten a years' worth of experience under my belt and re-acclimated myself to 'the system.' Another avenue would be to take whatever money I save at home and move to South America and most likely, Buenos Aires, Argentina. I have a number of friends from the area and I think that if I invested my effort, I would be able to find a job to support myself. The issue of not having legal papers is not as big a deal as it is here in Spain, and it would be a new experience in a new city that I have heard only great things about. The pay is not as good as here in Barcelona, but if I moved there, it wouldnt necessarily be forever. I would be able to continue with my Spanish and would no doubt have yet another incredible adventure. If things don't work out, if I don't like it, if I don't find a job, whatever the case may be, I'd come home knowing that I gave it my best and wouldn't be left wondering 'what-if.' In a nutshell, The Barcelona Experiment version 2.0. Also on the agenda would be finding a cause that I would like to volunteer my time for. I would go to Central or South America, speak Spanish and give my time for something bigger than myself (sorry for the lame cliche). I love animals, I love nature. I think I would like to do something related to forest or species preservation. Its possible that I would go in another direction, but this is what I'm thinking at the moment anyway.

Oh yeah, and I'm broke. To any of you whom are thinking, 'Wow, those sound great, I wish I could do that.' Now ask yourseelf, are you comfortable with a lack of financial stability? Are you comfortable not knowing where you will live in 6 months time? Would you trade all that you have to have the experiences that I've had and the freedom to choose what to do next? My freedom does come with a price. I don't have money to fall back on, I don't have a house or a car or furniture. In fact, pretty much all I have aside from amazing friends and family are the experiences that have made me who I am today and my time. I assure you, I worry about money matters, I would like to have a family one day, I would like to have a house, a car, furniture. But right now, I've decided that these things are not the most important thing to me. I have chosen my freedom and with that, the lack of real responsibility that comes with it, in favor of the comfort of seeing my resume and bank account continue to grow. If you are still on the same page as me, if you are willing to make that sacrifice, than why haven't you?

'Time is money, ' that's what they say anyway. Has anybody conisidered that maybe time is more valuable than that? Today I am 26 years old, 3 months, and 12 days old. This is the only instance that I will have today, at no other point will I be able to come back to where I am now. There is no amount of money that I could make that will buy me back my day and my life today. Maybe if I could I would save today, and give it to myself in the future, but I can't. Time is not money, time is more valuable than money and I would not trade the life I have for money in the future. I have come to terms with this idea. I am willing to live this period of my life without money with the hopes that down the road, when things that require money arrive, the money will come. Sounds naive, yes, but I am willing to make that gamble. Because for me, my youth and freedom is the most valuable thing that I have and therefore I do not regret investing my time in this pursuit. For many, however, and I'm not saying I'm right and everybody else is wrong, this is not the case.

Which brings me to my immediate future and a factor as to why I'll come home broke. I'll be done here at the hostel as of the first of June and will shortly after catch a plane to Athens on the 4th. The plan is to soak up a little culture and a lot of sun on the Greek Islands and then make my way up to Croatia. I really wanted to visit Finland, but both financial and logistical reasons made it impossible. Trust me, Im not complaining, in fact I'm really looking forward to both Greece and Croatia. Two places that during my time as a hostel receptionist have continually been urged to visit. I'm also hoping that my Greek friend Kostas will be able to accompany me to act as both official translator and tour guide, at least for my time spent in Greece. I really don't feel like expressing HOW excited I am, suffice to say that I am very ready to see the two.

So where does that leave us? So many questions, so few answers. It will be a time of growing pains and lifelong memories. It is a time of instability and freedom. I've come to yet another metaphorical fork in the road and I can only hope that I am true to myself and capable of making the next chapter as enjoyable as the previous. In the meantime, I will try to breathe in deeply and let the moment permeate my lungs, such incredible moments these are.

2008-01-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

Ok, so maybe I never actually live up to the promise of more frequent posts, so I dont blame any of you whom have given up on reading, but if you're here, congrats on persevering. I think part of the problem is that any time I actually sit down to write, I feel like the task is too tall, there is too much to write about. Ironically, at the exact same time, I feel like I really don't have anything new to tell. There are no dramatic life changes, nothing tangible enough that if described, it tells its own story. Therefore, everytime, I feel like I have too much to tell about nothing really in particular. So, here is my attempt to write about nothing and turn it into something.

As many of you know, I moved to Madrid for the months of November and the majority of December. I think this is where I last left off. All in all, it was a good experience, but left me feeling like there was so much more that could have been experienced. I worked in a sister hostal there and it happened that my boss decided to open another hostel in Madrid at the same time. Long story short, it meant that I didnt have quite as much freedom as I had hoped for. A new hostel, lacking sufficient workers and on a short budget, meant that some of my free time was compromised. This, coupled with the fact that I was living in the hostel, meant that I never really got out and experienced the city. It was as if opium had been injected into our drinking source, Id lay around the hostel when not officially working, and by doing so, worked more. After a little while, however, I got my act together and signed up for Spanish classes and Yoga classes. Both worked out really well and I cant really say which I enjoyed more. The goal is to find the same routine here in Barcelona (my schedule wont be consistent until February, so Im thinking Ill wait until then). What I did experience of Madrid was really good. The people are amazing, in a few short months I made more local friends than all my time spent in Barcelona. Anybody that has spent anytime in Barcelona knows what Im referring to, the Catalans tend to be a distant bunch, preferring to associate with like Catalans. One cant really experience anywhere without having interaction with those that live there, so in this way, I feel like my experience was more genuine. Madrid is a city that oozes history and is full of Spanish culture. This and the fact that everyone speaks spanish (what a crazy thought, no?) made it a refreshing injection of Spain for somebody that had been living in Catalunya. As much reservation as I had leaving Madrid, when I came back to Barcelona on Christmas Eve, I felt like I was back home again. Since then, Ive missed the people and experiences I had in Madrid, but have yet again, seen Barcelona with a rejuvinated lens.

Part of this new lens, however, has been the realization that people fall in love with the city of Barcelona, not so much the people. For those of you that have been, you all understand how enchanting and vibrant it is. But my opinion is that the people arent what stands out. This is in no way meant to be Catalan bashing, the ones that I know I really like, but the fact is, they are not the most inviting group of people. For this reason, the vast vast majority of my Spanish speaking friends are from South and Central America. Another aspect that has greatly changed my lens is the recent news that Matt Bro (my brother) and Tricia (my soon to be sister in law) have finally set a wedding date in late July. So, for the first time since I moved here, there was a date at which point I had to be back in the States. Though to many of you this may seem like a long ways away or the idea that Ill be here for another 5-6 months may sound like an eternity, but for me, it doesnt seem that far away.

As Ive alluded to before, I feel home here and any time you leave a home, there will be huge mix of sentiments, emotions, and thoughts constantly percolating through the brain. Thankfully, this is not an entirely negative cycle of thoughts. At some point, maybe it was when I visited London, maybe it occurred some random day when somebody asked me for the umpteenth time the same question, maybe it was the realization that I am capable of and want so much more, or maybe it was something that I always knew but had repressed, the thought of going back to the States and persuing a new goal became more attractive. Although Im still not ready to say, 'I cant wait to go home and begin a new chapter,' the thought of doing so doesn't sound quite as repulsive as it would have say, after the first 4 months. 16 months after my arrival, the idea of school, a fulfilling career (or at least a step in that direction), and real world responsibilities is palatable. What I do when I come back is still as big of a question as when I left, but Im now in a much better place to begin something new than I was before I left.

When I moved here, I thought maybe id stay 6 months, maybe 9, maybe a year. I never actually thought that things would work out so well, that Id be so happy and that Id end up staying close to two years. I havent completely ruled out the idea of returning here sometime after Matt's wedding, but I know that there isnt realistically a large probability of that happening. Ive talked with some friends here about the idea called the Peter Pan theory. You know how it is, he lives in a fairytale world, without a care in the world, always knowing that tomorrow will be just as good as today and the day prior. But whether its a fantasy or a problem, hes not really progressing in his life. Its not to say that I havent, but as far as career-minded Derek is concerned, its true. Does this experience forever change me and make me a better future candidate, of course but I feel like Ive come to the point where Im not growing as much here as maybe I could in a different setting. Maybe its that life is too easy here, too good. I honestly feel like everyday is a Saturday, workdays arent stressful, there are no tests to study for, no deadlines to be reached, no public speaches to be given, no bosses looking over my shoulder. I think after the enormous amount of shit I had dealt with the 2 years or so prior to my leaving the States, moving here was exactly what I needed. I needed some time to do nothing and be ok with that, which , im not sure is possible in the States. I needed some time to rediscover who I really am, without dealing with so much heartache and pain and guilt. I needed to see that we aren't all meant to be on the fast track to success, money, status, etc. Basically, I needed to spend some time in one of the most laid back, fun, and exciting cities in the world. But all good things do come to an end, and as hard as it is to think about, nonetheless write, when I come home, Ill be ready for whatever it is that I decide to do.

As the locals say here, Hay Que Aprovocharse, in other words seize the moment, or take advantage of your situation, however you want to translate it (maybe if we are lucky Miss Laura Kusnyer aka Big Wig People in Spanish translator will give us the official translation at some point). The point is, I have another 5 1/2 months to play Peter Pan and live in Never-Never-Land. The only difference being that when the moment comes to choose my approaching fork in the road, it will most likely include many of the things that I desired so much to leave in the first place. And the cylce continues....

So, this is the last official offer to all of you to visit me. A golden oppurtunity is slipping through your hands, you know it, I know it. Well leave it at that. Hope you are all enjoying the new year (except for Alhadeff, Kahil, and Ruben, I hope youre all having a terrible year) and preparing for my return in July.

2007-09-21T04:11:00.000-07:00

The summer has all but past so I will now take some time to give a state of the Derek address.

So where to begin? I realize its been awhile since my last blog, but it hasnt been due to uneventfullness. Only three months since then but I cant even remember where or who I was when that was written. Have I changed as a person drastically? Aside from the tan, Id say probably not too much physically, but hopefully I have made some steps mentally and emotionally. Coinciding with the change of seasons, it is also my one year anniversary here in BCN. A year ago I came here as an adventurous, hopeful, and probably completely oblivious as to what I was to embark upon.

As is the case with life, we all have our ups and downs and I think at the moment I am actually building my way out of a little rut that I had been in. There is no place like where you grew up, no way to recapture the feeling that only 'home' can bring, but for all intensive purposes, this is now my home. I think with that comes a feeling of contentment, a feeling that there is always tomorrow, a feeling that there is no need to continue to push yourself further than what is comfortable. Home is comfortable, you know your home, you dont have to ask questions. But that is the problem, I recently noticed how comfortable I had got in my own routine, and lost the adventurer within me. I realized that by being so comfortable with my daily routine that I was cheating myself of so many possible experiences, so many possible conversations, so many possibilities. I dont know when or how, but it struck me with such force that I havent been able to get it out of my mind for a week or two now. You know how when you first get a puppy, it has an endless amount of energy and exuberance, never ceasing to run, and play, and entertain? And then as time goes on, that slowly fades and eventually dies completely? But, if you take that old dog and move to a house in the country with miles of green hillside to roam and birds to chase and shady trees to rest under, you see the puppy within once again. Well, im not sure I ever became the old dog, but I definately feel like the rejuvinated puppy.

I have recently fallen in love with the city all over again. I had a rare weekday off and took an impromptu walk through the Barri Gotic, literally one minute from my house. With a guide book to aid my steps and knowledge, I began to see an already amazing part of the city as something much more. Barcelona was known as Barcino 2000 years ago and the remnants of Roman culture are scattered throughout the city. Many street names still reference the city that this one was eventually built on top of. On my way to work I walk past a tiny street (that nobody knows about accept tour guides I would imagine) which houses 3 roman columns dating back 2 thousand years. An apartment has been built around it (although previously I think it was a building to protect and monitor its safety) and thus these people have Roman ruins within their complex. I heard a tour guide mention that there is one column that has actually been built around. So some people have a Roman column protruding through their apartment and up through the roof. After I walk by this street, I walk around the backside of the originally Catherdral built in the 13th and 14th centuries and then eventually proceede through one of the two main gateways that led into the city of Barcino with a portion of a re-built aqueduct still in tact as well as two oppsoing watch towers. Really cool. If I was a history buff, Id cram more of this down your throat, but Ill stop there.

This past weekend, the city festival known as La Mercé occurred. Apparently the Sant of Mercy disbanded a plague of locusts and since then, this festival has commemorated the event as well as the transition from summer to fall. Personally, I think it is just another excuse for the Catalans to throw a party. Numerous live concerts scattered throughout the city, many taking place in plazas that have been existence for hundreds if not thousands of years. I think the contrasts that can be found here are part of the reason that it is such a universally loved city. Like no other city that I have been to, seemingly opposite characteristics co-exist in complete harmony. The city is old and exudes culture and history, but now you can´t help but feel its youth and life. Even the elderly here live an active life, staying out until the late hours, taking advantage of all the city has to offer. You can't find another city that is so laid back, yet so cosmopolitan and eventful. Its true that even in a city as big and busy as Barcelona, eventhough many from around the world have moved here, the pace of life is that you might only expect in a small pueblo outside of a main city. People don't take coffee to go, they sit down and enjoy it. Who cares if Im five minutes late. People don't eat and drive, why not just eat the food I buy where I buy it? The list goes on, but the fact remains the same that the people here really know how to appreciate la vida buena. At the same time, there are a neverending amount of things to do, places to go, and new places to explore. Anyway, back to La Mercé...Parades, human castle building, and a fountain/firework/music show that would put be the Bellagio to shame highlighted the 3 day festival. I spent much of the time with some new friends and have recently made some progress with my Spanish. I feel as though I am progressing through a long plateau and that the language is beginning to slow down a little and I´m beginnning to blurt things out without having to construct it in my head beforehand. Don't get me wrong, Im still a long long ways from where Id like to get, but its nice to finally feel like im getting somewhere.

I was hoping that my mom would be able to visit me at some point in October, but when those plans fell through, I decided to still take some time off. As of now, the plan is to visit my friend in Madrid for a day or two and then head over to Portugal, a place that I have wanted to see since I arrived but never had the time to do so. I am looking for any firsthand advice from those that have gone or if you know anybody there, please let me know. As of now, where I go is still up in the air. Being the alcoholic that I am, I think I'll head to Oporto for a few days, if for no other to drink some good wine and of course, Port from Oporto-should be a treat. Im not sure if Ill go to Lisboa or not as I tend to like smaller cities. I think Ill head down to the south, the algarve, which is known for its innate beauty and picturesque beaches. Im contemplating a trip out to the island of Madeira, where, coincidentally enough, Madeira (another after dinner drink) is produced.

Aside from visiting a good friend in Madrid, the reason for stopping by Madrid is that I am planning on moving there for about a month and a half from early November through Christmas. At first I hesitated when offered the oppurtunity to work in our other Sant Jordi Hostel, but after a little thought and sparked by my renewed adventurere within, I saw what a great chance it is to learn about a new city, to have new experiences, and to give myself a change of pace. I will have more responsibility down there and will most likely choose to live in the hostel, but otherwise, I am really looking forward to it.

As far as how I long I plan on staying.....not sure. I know now that I will stay through the holidays and am tentitavely planning on travelling with my mom and brother sometime in the spring, most likely March. So that puts me here through March and afterwards, well I haven`t got that far yet. I know I need to plan for the future, but I am having an amazing time living in the present and have had difficulty with the idea of leaving a place that has given me so much. I only know one person who left without ever looking back (you know who you are-you are smart, brown haired, attractive, and like to run) and I guess for me its really haired to think about the day that I would actually DECIDE to go. I would love to hear from you all, read a state of the _______ address, so please send me at least a quick email about what you are up to and any pertinent gossip. At least post a message to this page if the idea of writing an email seems too daunting.

Im lazy with photos, so I will either add some to here in the next few days or post them on my facebook account.

Venga
Adeu

2007-06-24T13:37:00.000-07:00

So, it finally happened, I had both my phone and wallet stolen recently. Here is what is strange, they were stolen from a locked locker in the mens changing room of my gym. I had gone to the beach after working out (yeah, there is beach access from the gym) to get a little sun and when I returned, the locker was open and my phone and wallet were gone. Thankfully, I had taken my ipod with me to the beach. To think of a life without my ipod is virtually the same as a life without puppies, kittens and belgium beer. Anywho, for those of you that call me, thats about 2 of you, my new number is +34 617 294944.

Last night was the festival of sant juan. It is a celebration of the summer solstice and the night is lit by fireworks and a number of summer firecrackers. It´s the biggest beach party of the year and full of locals and tourists alike. Kostas (my friend from the hostel) and I met up with Veronica (a good friend of mine from Argentina) and went to a bbq on a rooftop terrace prior to the festivities on the beach. I cant go to a bbq without thinking of the states, good times spent with friends, and warm summer nights. As often happens when people get drunk, itineraries blur and people lose sight of their plans. After what seemed like hours, we got to the beach, found some cold beer and took our place on the beach. The party scene had died down some, but there were still a monton of people all their for the same reason. As the sun began to rise, so to did my feeling that I am so lucky to be here and living in an almost surreal state. Moments and days pass where happiness is my underlying feeling. Here, it has become my bassline mood. I think most people float through their day, their are highs and lows, but the bassline feeling is not one of joy, maybe its contentment. For me, if Im not happy, something must be really wrong. Sometimes I feel like a little kid, oblivious to the tradgedies and hardships of this world. Obviously, I am not oblivious to how cruel this life can be, but my life here has teased me with how pleasant this world is and how much it can give.

some things that I did today (for all the list lovers of the world)
-moseyed through park ciutadella.
-watched some Brazillians performing caiporhera (a mixture of dance and martial arts) to music
-watched some couples dancing the tango on a gazebo
-had a gelato (went with coconut and chocolate truffle today)
-watched some basketball players that I would massacre in a game
-yup, about it, a day of rest after a long night

What Im Listening to at the Moment:
Wilco

What Im looking forward to:
Summercase www.summercase.com

What I miss about the States at the moment:
Sunday dinners on the patio with the fam

My new favorite pizza from Pizza del Born:
queso de cabra-goat cheese

My currant favorite type of gelato:
dulce de leche

In response to Will´s top 10 fruits, here are mine (keep in mind this assumes, top quality, perfect ripeness):
1-peach on a warm day
2-watermelon
3-strawberry
4-pineapple
5-blackberry
6-nectarine
7-granny smith apple
8-banana (it is very versatile, its filling, it goes well with peanut butter and icecream alike, but in and of itself, it is not the best tasting)
9-green grapes
10-honeydew melon

There, now wasnt that entertaining. Thats all I got. Call me.

2007-05-18T09:32:00.000-07:00

Everything Changes, Everything Stays The Same

Isn't this an interesting concept? On first glance, this appears to be an oxymoron, but as time goes on (which is all it does), this idea seems to nudge its way into my path frequently. Both parts are inherently wrong of course, but there is a truth to it that can´t be denied. I guess this thought has crept into my head most recently because a few people that I have became good friends with, have left me. The longer I stay, the more people I meet, the more people that leave me. Constant change, just like always.

Sometimes when people leave, you never think about them again. They made their mark on your life, there is no doubt in that, the footprint is there whether you'd like it to be or not. But they are not integral to the person that you will become. And sometimes when people leave, you are left with a moment of complete shock-like wow, I will really miss this person a lot. It leaves an initial emptiness, but in time, you will meet more people and make new memories and in some way try to fill that void. But as much as you may try to kick some dirt over the hole, it will always be there and those memories will always belong to the two of you. Nobody else will ever fill your holes for you and its just as good that this is the case. And in these initial moments post-departure, you may find yourself surprised by what comes to mind. You may find thoughts and feelings that you never knew existed, that didn't exist until now, or that you knew existed and did your best to cover up. It can be a tough task to figure out from which well these emotions came, but once that person has left, there isn't much to be done about it-it is what it is. So is it better to know of a pending departure and invest energy into finding how you feel, or is it better to deal with whatever it is (and remember, it may be nothing, a fleeting glimpse) once it has happened? I have always tried to be true with myself, but in these moments I find myself questioning whether or not I could have been more open with myself. Why do I feel differently now that the person has gone? Did I ever appreciate them fully? There are no guarantees in either friendships or relationships and all will end someday. What a depressing notion. This being the case, we are left trying to find the things that are true and lasting. So what can be done? A common theme in what I have written is the necessity to live the moment. Like a shooting star, life can only be truly enjoyed the moment it occurs. I think this all that can be done; enjoy the time with those that make you happy, that give you lasting memories, and that help you to figure out something about yourself, the world, whatever it may be. These are the real moments and are the only moments that really matter.

So now as I remember my friends that have left me, I look forward to those that are just around the corner. I look forward to the memories that I have yet to make, but am cautious not to fill my holes with the dirt of others. As my experiences become memories, the only thing Im sure of is that everything will change and by doing so, everything will remain the same.

2007-04-28T05:51:00.000-07:00

Enough about stupid Turkey, didnt realize I double dipped it.

4/12/07 Training to Romania (from Sofia)

Yet again, I leave another wonderful city wondering if it was given adequate time or just the right amount. Wonderful people, weather, and enough history to make you want to keep reading. The lulling sounds of the train over the tracks is complemented nicely by the purplish haze looming over the nearby mountains. my time spent in Sofia wasnt as much af a culture shock (accept for the cryllic alphabet) as I had expected/sought but my experience was much more than I could have predicted. Their are large buildings, big businesses and yes, McDonalds. There are people that speak English and those that dont. I think one of the things I take from this place, and the trip in general, is the universiality (word or no?) of life. I have been massaged, scrubbed, and bathed by old Turkish men in Istanbul and consumed homemade wine and rakia (liquid fire at 50% alcohol) in a cave carved into the mountains of the smallest city in Bulgaria. Ive heard the Koran belted over the loud speakers and visited the most holiest of Orthodox monastaries tucked away in the Rila Mountains. But perhaps the most important experience has been the realization that were all the same. Their are certain commonalities that supercede, language, religion, geography; that we all share. I feel that if I figure out what these are, that in some way I will be better off for it. That these truths will give wisdom and that wisdom and knowledge will lead to inner peace and happiness. By no means am I comparing what I am about to write to universal truths, but these similarities were undeniable. Without stating anything profoundly, here are a few things that I have either noticed, enjoyed, or feel like writing:
*little girls love to get dressed up, and boss each other around, while little boys are bored unless if not trying to cause trouble.
*teenagers will smoke and drink in public parks
*puppy love is either nice to see or nauseating, dependinng on your mood
*love is love and beauty, beauty
*a smile and thank you are always appreciated
*dogs love people-people love dogs (except some Muslims)
*people struggle to survive and their pain may or may not be visible
*alcohol is a social lubricant and people will make questionable decisions when using it
*springtime adds a bounce to everyones step
*Women are beautiful--everywhere (especially Bulgaria)
*Taxi drivers are not to be trusted
*Their is no better way to meet somebody than over some bbq and a few beers
*This is stupid and Im now stopping

Again, the people made my experience in Bulgaria. People bend over backwards to help you once asked and live much richer than their means. More later, not sure when, but keep checking in if you want to see what Im up to.

2007-04-21T06:14:00.000-07:00

Since Ive been overwhelmed with requests to enlighten you as to my travels and state of mind I decided it was time for an update. After a glorious two weeks spent at home, I embarked on a two week vacation which entailed Istanbul, Sofia (bulgaria), and Brasov (Romania). As opposed to re-writing much of what I had recorded at the time, I will instead copy the journal that I kept at the time. Since it was a journal entry, the writing may not be as refined as you are all used to when reading my work, but without further ado--

4-10-07 Sofia, Bulgaria

I cant begin to think of the present without at least some reflection on Istanbul. Great City-'bout sums it up. It outdid any expectations/pre-conceived notions that I might have had. I cant remember a malevolent soul in my experiences (4/4-4/9). Being from the US its hard to not have some biases against Muslims after 911, but the trip more than reversed those prejudices. It is a city and a country that I would like to come back to. In addition to the great hospitality I received from Aydin (a friend that I had met at the hostel in Barcelona), I met a few guys from the hostel that would be welcome guests anytime down the road. While following the path through the Basilica Cistern (Originally built by Constantine, held water for the city), a sudden compulsion for my fist Turkish coffee came about me. Upon showing some interest, I was invited to have a seat with two men and a woman having lunch. One turned out to be the owner, the other two a colleague and sister. Asli, the sister, turned out to be a travel agent;at first making a sales pitch and later refusing my business on the account of our friendship because there was a cheaper way of doing what I wanted to do.

Hearing the prayer belted over the loudspeakers of the minarets was one of the first and most lasting events that reminded me of where I was. From Aydin ive learned of the parallels to our culture-he is Islamic but doesnt pray five times per day, in fact only his grandmother does. Just like the states where the young people grow up with religion but the churches are normally full of the elder. It was quite a sight to see the people washing their feet outside the mosques and even inside the grand bazaar (giant, covered market place ). Their compulsion with 'cleanliness' only crosses over to absurd when noting their adversion to dogs because they are not viewed as 'clean.' Is there anything more pure than the gait or wag of the tail of a golden retriever puppy?

The carpet salesmen are good at what they do, all of them that I came across were natural salesmen. Nothing felt too forced or contrived. I think the experience of buying my carpet was almost worth the money itself. Youare their sole care in the world at that moment, and who doesnt like getting treated so well. A glass of delicious tea is normally how the process begins, followed by various carpets being thrown around the room and a description of what type of material is used, where its from, and what type of knots were used to make it. Yet they are not too overbearing. Salesmen of all levels must put on their charm, but I sensed an underlaying warmth in almost all. When no sale was made, there was no abrasiveness or contempt. One salesman lured me into his shop even though I made it very clear I wasnt buying anything. We spent the next 20 min talking about my travels (and his) and carpets were never spoken of again.

The people really make the city what it is. Sure, there is much natural beauty and impressive architecture, but all that sits as a backdrop to the genuine hospitality that I was lucky enough to have been presented with.

Part two coming later.

2007-04-05T09:56:00.000-07:00

After a much needed and over-indulged trip back to the states, I am now in Istanbul. While home I realized for the first time, with full effect, that there is no place like home. While growing up there and in requisite returns, I was always able to appreciate the area, my family, and the comforts of home, but without something to compare it to, it never made the impression that it did this last time. As Americans, we really do live a luxurious lifestyle. Nothing compares to the grandeurs? of the states, everything is big, spacious, even over the top, but that is one of many things that separates it. Celebrating my moms Bday, St. Paddy's Day, and March Madness, there is no way that I could have chosen a better time to come home. Living off the spoils made my departure all the more difficult, but since then I have not missed a thing. It makes me think of what other things I could live without in perfect contentment that I consider to be essential.

After a brutal travel day, which included a 2hour nap before leaving, delays, and a sudden moment of sickness on my second leg that plastering the plane bathroom with vomit, I arrived in Istanbul delirious and tired. After being ripped off by my taxi driver (which I knew was coming), I straggled into Sultan Hostel and lay my head down for a few hours of sleep. Invigorated, I toured the streets, got my bearings and had a kebab enhanced by live turkish music and dancers.

The people here are very friendly, some because they are good hearted and others because they are good businessmen. I like to dissuade all into thinking that I am a potential buyer and look for the true goodness of the Turkish. So far, I have been called by name by all the people that work at the hostel and adjoining bar and have had a great time.

Rugs here grow on trees, as do hookahs and gorgeous tile and ceramic work. After a day of siteseeing (all of which was impressive-blue mosque, haghia sophia, topkapi palace, hippodrome and obelisks, blah blah blah) I headed back for a lil bed time and am now in the bar eating a salad and having a beer. Efes is the popular beer here, quite good. Im really enjoying myself, I feel very mature, maybe its because the fellow travellers here arent frat boys and girls. Instead, there are many couples in there 30's and up and the pervading feeling here is a little more sophisticated as a whole (although im sure there isnt a shred of truth to this feeling). As sad as I was to leave the states, the hospitality here hasnt left me homesick.

Clean city, genuine people, good food, lots of amazingly impressive sights and a feel unlike any other place I have visited. My only hope is to meet up with my Istanbul friends in the next day or so and get a more personal view of the place.

2007-01-18T16:17:00.000-08:00

Will left a few weeks ago and in his absence I have filled the void with a full week of nefarious activity and another one full of travel book reading, aimless wandering of the streets, and itune store shopping. On a side note, any Ben Gibbard fans that dont have the All Time Quarterbacks CD are missing out (the cd entitled Home as well is excellent that he made with Andrew Kenny). Not gonna lie, had a little knot in my stomach watching Will pass through the turnstile. First time a guy gave me that feeling that normally only girls are capable of, the my stomach kinda hurts and I don't like this feeling thing. But that feeling faded fast when I remembered that he was a jerk. He has settled into a nice big apartment in boulder with Barcelona as a mere afterthought and I continue to live in what will prove to be one of the more memorable times of my life. As this chapter has been closed, I wonder which one will now unfold. I know that it is what I make it, but also that I don't necessarily have control over what lies (lays, laid, isn't there a lain as well or something? If any of you reading this have used lain in a sentence you are probably having a crumpet right now or attending a non-alcoholic geek convention) ahead.
As is always the case, things change, then we adjust, then more things change and more adjustment is necessary. I'm just going with the flow for now. Sometimes it is hard for me to separate going with the flow and being taken by the stream. I think I'm figuring it all out, if not, I'm having a great time along the way.

So what does lay ahead? Well, nothing is set in stone at this point, but I plan on heading back home in the middle of March for a few weeks. March is a tough time for myself and my family and we will be coming up on three years since my dad passed away on the 11th. Fuck, three years. People always say that time heals all wounds. I can't say that I buy that one completely, maybe it is something we tell ourselves as a form of reassurance and comfort. For me, I have learned to appreciate and love life, but it is something that will never be healed. Some things you learn how to live with, find a way to cope but otherwise won't resolve or wrap up into a nice little package and put away for some other time. So I am coming home to be with the family and my mom for her birthday. I guess I'm looking forward to St. Patty's Day (this is the first time its entered my mind), maybe I'll head to the city. Nah, prolly not. Really not a big fan of St. Patty's day food. I think its just the cabbage mainly, that I will skip. Otherwise, through a dead carcass on the table and in this case some bread and potatoes and open a bottle of wine and life is good. My return also coincides with.....what.....wait, what......yeah, March Madness. My favorite sporting event (second only to the Lakers when they are competing for a title). So, its safe to say I am looking forward to coming home for a little while. At this point I am extending an open invitation to any of you to come up to a little place called the Napa Valley.

As much as I look forward to having a good time in the states, the thought of returning is sickening. When Will left, I was reminded that at some point that will be me and that nothing should be taken for granted. I don't see myself working in a hostel for my whole life, but I am not in a hurry to come back home and hop on the ferris wheel either. So the tentative game plan is to come home, leave on the 3rd or 4th (the Finals is on the 2nd I believe) and then head back. I am hopeful that I will still have about two weeks left of vacation time. With this time, I would love to see Eastern Europe. There is still a lot to see and do on the Western front, but I feel like I need something completely different, a culture shock that makes me uncomfortable. Still some research to be done and brains to pick, but right now, I want to go to Istanbul for a few days, hit sofiya in bulgaria, bucharest in romania and finish with a few days in prague. If anybody has been anywhere over here, please let me know so that I can get some first hand knowlege.

So, the next question is, how are you going to afford this? I thought the same and have decided that I need to make some extra cash. I just picked up another 12 hours at work, so I'm up to 42 per week, which kinda sucks, but I need the money and the job is easy. The worst part is the 9 am start time. And yes, I am a lazy piece of shit and yes that is early for me. In addition to the extra work hours, I am going to start giving english conversation lessons. For now, I am charging a more than reasonable 10 euro/hour and have already had some interest. Now, it is just a matter of coordinating everything. As I get more comfortable, I might increase the price. In addition to the money, it will be a good way to meet more locals, something that I would really like to do. So, I am hoping that between the extra work hours and the sidework, that I will be able to afford my exhibition. Plus, it will be considerably cheaper than Western Europe.

Well, I think thats all I got. Feel free to leave a comment or two on my board. I don't care if it's "that sucked" or "you're short." Anything will do. Actually, maybe if you just wrote what you were doing prior to reading this, what the last thing you ate was, and what music you are currently listening to or that will be playing in your car/ your ipod when you turn it on. It would make for quite an interesting board. Mine would say:
-reading about Romania
-cereal
-All Star Quarterbacks

Happy 2007

2006-12-13T15:00:00.001-08:00

Will and I just returned from a mini vacation to the south of Spain. We spent two days in Sevilla, one in Ronda, and two in Granada. I was definitely ready for a change of scenery and the travel bug had really been getting to me before we took off. It is not easy to get time off work, being as it is that its basically myself and one spunky little scottish women that fulfill the reception hours. Whatever I have to do in the future to make up for missed time will be well worth it, however. The 5 day trip was just what I had hoped for and despite its bittersweet nature, I thoroughly enjoyed every day.

Sevilla is the epitome of what I had always pictured Spain as being. Beautiful tile plated buildings and mosaics, cozy patios with orange trees, small bars that exude history and culture, and plenty of warm friendly smiles. Sevilla is the 3rd largest city in Spain, but by the time we had walked to our pension in Santa Cruz neighborhood, it could easily have been mistaken for a tiny village on the outskirts. As has been the theme for much of our travels, we happened upon the last day of a festival. After staring in awe at the amazing cathedral and taking part in a parade of music religious sentiment (listened to a Cardinal speak) and prayer, we hit the tiny bars for a few drinks and called it a night. Day two we did some more sightseeing, had the best fried fish in the world, and made reservations for a flamenco show in the evening. I dont think either of us were ready for what we experienced that night. Straight from the get, there was an incredible feeling to the small patio on which we sat. In total, there were four performers, a guitarrist, a singer, a male dancer, and a female dancer. Each performer had their moment in the spotlight and each appeared to be in a trance-like state. It was not as if they were playing the guitar or dancing to the music. Instead, they were transforming their passion into a tangible entity. No thought was going through their head, only a zen-like oneness with that which is their art. It was absolutely amazing, one of the most incredible things I have witnessed and left me yearning for my own passion. That performance made me realize that I cannot settle. I hear so many people come into the hostel (either already with a job or about to embark on one in the near future) and say, "yeah, it'd be nice to love my job, but its not realistic." So many people that dont even know that they arent happy or just completely oblivious to things that matter. If nothing else, this experience taught me that I must look for my passion until I have found it, because otherwise, I wont ever find who I am. Somebody that has found their calling has an influence on people that otherwise would not be possible, one can sense it and feed off it. Everybody that was there in that room, felt the performance, as opposed to seeing it. That night Will and I treated ourselves to some upscale tapas, one of the best meals of the night, and ended up reflecting on the experience over a bottle of wine for at least two hours. I think I am still going in the right direction, and in time, Ill find where I need to be.

This reiteration of something my Dad had taught me, having only recently been realized deep inside me, makes me think about the idea of freedom. We are all free to live our own lives, but how many of us actually take advantage of this fact? With exception to those that are less fortunate and must struggle every day to feed and shelter themselves and their family (none of you reading this), we all are capable of living the life that we truly want. The problem then, is finding what it is we truly want and not what/who we want to be but who we actually are. It is not an easy task. Many never even realize the difference between who they are and what society/family/friends/etc expect or project them to be. Others sense some feeling of emptiness, but find it much too easy to brush it under the rug and forget about it until it reaches a point years down the road where a feeling of a life wasted begins to consume who they are. Others are aware of their predicament, but get tired of the discomfort of knowing that they have not reached where they want to be. They probably live a good life, but never reach a sense of happiness and fulfillment that is available. Then I believe there are the few that struggle to stay on their path and have their ups and downs, but eventually, find their passion, find themselves, and lead fulfilling lives. So who is free? Many people that would consider themselves free are quite different. They are slaves to jobs, money, appearance, spouses, ideals, fashion, status, and are ultimately left feeling confined and without much option other than to keep on going ahead. I think we are free when we have the ability to choose what is best for us and follow through with it. To know yourself well enough in the first place, and then to have the discipline to carry it out. I am far from where I want to be, but I think I am on the right path.

I will summarize the next two cities only because it's late, I'm tired, and the only thing really worthwhile has already been written. Ronda, was a picturesque tiny town of 40k. All white houses and an amazing gorge connected by an incredible bridge are the postcard pics of the city. We didnt have much time here, but we managed to take part in the Christmas spirit by enduring the insanely cold temperatures to walk up and down the main street, decorated with lights. Watched a soccer game in a bar that has one of the best ideas ever. Beer tap at every table, why isnt this everywhere in the states. They have a meter that records the amount of beer consumed along with glassware above and a glass washer as well. What started as a relaxing night, quickly turned into a night of drunken debauchery facilitated by an American bartender that kept feeding us shots and beers. Long story short, I ended up in the bath tub at the end of the night and we left the pension glad to have not incurred any additional penalties for the preceding night.

Granada turned out to be my favorite city of the three, although its a toss up between it and sevilla. It too has an authenticity about it, but there is a very strong moorish influence, from architecture to souvenirs. At times I felt as though I might as well be walking down a small street in Morocco. We went and saw the Alhambra and both enjoyed it, but neither of us were blown away by it. It is an amazing site, very spacious and beautiful, but there wasnt one jaw dropper, nothing to really distinguish it. That said, we spent 3 hours there and would have spent more had we not wanted to get to a lookout point for the sunset (yes, how romantic). The best experiences in Granada were the shisha bars we went to. We drank the best tea weve ever had (its rich and sweet) and relaxed while smoking the hookah. Definitely wish we had a lil sumpin sumpin to spice it up, but it was a great experience nonetheless.

As much as I didnt want to come home, Im happy to be back in Barca. It doesnt have quite the spanish feel that the cities we visited had, but it has its own unique character. I guess the reason is because its never wanted to be spanish, its always wanted to maintain its independence and have catalunya separate from spain. The pride of the locals here is very apparent and rightly so, this is an amazing city with something to offer anybody that visits. Open invitation to those reading.

2006-11-16T11:08:00.000-08:00

So I know I haven't been as diligent in postings as I had originally intended, but I hope you haven't completely denounced my blog from the regular web browsing routine. There are hours and hours to be wasted, and most of us fulfill all of them, so it wont hurt to check in periodically with me. I really dont have many exciting new locals to describe or really life altering moments, but in a sense, the fact that I am used to living in Barcelona is quite the topic. No matter where we live, it is impossible to not take some things for granted. I walk by Casa Batllo (cut and paste it u lazy people-http://www.barcelonagallery.com/cas/menu1%BF5.htm) and no matter how many times i tell myself that I need to stop and smell the roses, there is no way to capture that initial moment of seeing it for the first time. So, is it more cool to see it for the very first time, or better to know it so well that it has become a part of me? Its like relationships, many people would argue (probably not Kahil because hes a foul beast) that those first few weeks of meeting somebody new are the best of a relationship. It's a good argument, is there anything better than fledgling relationships, where everything about the other is completely captivating and exciting and perfect? On the other hand, to have somebody that already knows you inside and out and has seen and accepted your flaws and insecurities is a very comfortable feeling. To get back to my point, I think my news is that there isnt much news. Life here in barcelona is beginning to feel like the long term relationship girlfriend.

It is not to say that I am completely comfortable here, nor that there isn't anything new and exciting. Far from the truth, in fact. There are still things that people see on day one of siteseeing that i have not even seen. Which brings me to my next random thought. I feel many times like I am not being as productive with my life as I should be, which is true. I have been mentally lazy. I haven't opened a spanish book since i got here, i haven't kept a journal, and you all know that i havent kept a very good blog. Yet somehow, despite the lack of all these things, I seem to lead a pretty full day. There is work 6 days per week, normally working between 30-40 hours at the hostel, there is plenty of time spent wasted on the internet, there is plenty of time spent drinking coffee with will , lots of sleep when possible, copious amounts of alcohol consumed 2 or 3 nights per week normally, and a fair amount of hangout time with either my new roommates or people at the hostel. Bottom line, I want to start spending my time more productively. There is a small little birdie in my ear reminding me that im 24 and that I need to start preparing for the "real world." In a way I wish it were the real world where they get lunatics from all over the united states with as many conflicting personalities as possible and throw them into an insanely nice house that none of them deserve and require them to do some stupid task or job, but i am now officially too old for the show. No, the real world is the US. It's six figure salaries, its nice cars, three piece suits, and a degree of some sort that says im successful (although the vast majority are never happy and would probably rather live in the other real world where the only responisibility is to get sloshed, start fights and go skinny dipping in the hot tub). I feel like I can ward off this evil demon a little longer as long as i begin to spend my days a little more productively. I really need to get some exercise, which is surprisingly hard to do here (and my body feels like im 42, not 24), find a cheap spanish class, attend some intercambios (very informal language exchange meetings, normally at a bar where it is agreed between english and spanish speakers to meet and practice their respective languages with the other. To me, it seems like a very good way to meet some ugly spanish girls {cuz if they were hot spanish girls then this would be too perfect, too easy, and nothing is ever both too perfect and easy at the same time}, but i would prefer them to all the Americans and Aussies that I see come through the hostel), and explore more of the city. Don't get me wrong, in no way am I trying to convince you that my life is really hard. I will take the list of things to do right now over any other future list that i make in my life.

Next random thought, dont think ive touched on it in the past. Good things come from bad, and in my case horribly terrible shattering events. I really dont think I would be here had I not lost my Dad. The way I view things now is that everything good that happens in my life is because of bad things that have happened in the past. How can they not, everything is related (you would already know this if you have seen I heart huckabees). My Dad dies, have an unsettling relationship, get a DUI and now I'm "living the dream" as my brother says in Barcelona. I don't think that I would have been in such a place had not so much shit conspired to hit me in such a short period of time. Im not sure that you can make much from shit (like lemonade can be made from lemons), but down the road a little ways that shit can make for some damn good manure and sprout one kick ass _________(fill in your favorite plant for optimum affect). I spare you the obligatory "shit happens" lame joke right now.

Speaking of absolute crap, I did my best to furnish my room recently. I went into some tiny version of a 99 cent store and managed to blow 30 euro on things that I would consider grounds of terminating any type of friendship/relationship if given to me as a present. Bought a little rug for my room, plastic cups, spoons, beer mug, wine opener, bathmat, trash can, clothes hamper, soap, scissors, and to seal the deal, a candle. But I am happy with my crap so leave me alone.

I had a big weekend, long saturday night and currently am sick, so I will be going. I would love to have a more interactive relationship with all of you, so gimme ur numbers and u might be the recipient of a random phone call. I will hope for the reverse. It really isnt that hard to buy a phone card and push buttons. If you want to call me, my number is 0034 600 073 822.

2006-10-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

Life is beginning to settle down here, at least as far as my primary needs are concerned. Now that I have found a job in a hostal and a temporary room in one as well, I decided that a weekend trip to Italy was much deserved. A vacation from the vacation. Will's uncle owns a house, no, nice house, no, big nice house, no, fucking dream italian villa in the countryside overlooking a valley. Needless to say, we weren't used living like royalty and did as much as we could to savor the experience.

From the airport in Ancona, we rented a car and drove to the quaint lil city of monte san martino. Just the car ride itself was pleasurable, but throw in some nice countryside, italian radio, and an escape from the dreaded barcelona (not really), and our trip was off to a swell start (yeah i said swell). After first feeling like participants of the Real World in our mansion, the joys of Italy would slowly matriculate forth. Back to the Real World reference, here is an excerpt from every 1st episode/us:
--Oh My God (think valley girl though)
--No Fuckin' Way
--Whaaaaaaaaaa
--the kitchen is bigger than my room
--the couch is bigger than my room
--holy shit, there's cold beer in the fridge, chips, peanuts, water, any other food staples im forgetting? And they even have french bread!
--Yeah, just counted....sleeps 15. Never should have told the spanish models that there wasnt room.
--They probably would have hogged the sheets anyway, who needs them.
--Soooooo, beer, chips, balcony view of countryside?
--Obviously
--Wait, so apparently we've seen like half the house.
--I'll take these 7 beds, the living room and the half of the kitchen with the fridge and you can have the rest of the beds, dining room and well share the balcony.

rambling:check

--did you eat all my peanut butter? Who ate the fucking peanut butter? Can it eat itself? Admit you ate the last of the peanut butter and suffer the consequences of my wrath.

Anyyyyywho....This insanely nice house in a ridiculously scenic region of italy gave me the feeling of 'Im not worthy' Why should I be able to experience this. What did i do to deserve this. It is that dream Italian villa that we all, or at least should, desire. For 3 nights and 2 days we lived like kings. Ate 'expensive' 10 course meals, drank beer and wine, explored the countryside, watched DVD´s and slept in monstrous beds in complete silence and darkness. My only regret being not enough gelato and too much time spent about how much I dont want to leave.

Best Moments:
1-Seeing the house upon arrival
2-drinking beer on the balcony con vista bellisima
3-driving through tiny cobble stoned streets en route to and fro house
4-Dinners out where people loved to feed us
5-couch time

There never is a perfect place in which all your wildest fantasies come true. B.S., I know. Our trip to Italy made me realize that as much as I like Barcelona, there are a limitless number of cities that on a given day and time may please me more. This is not to take anything away from Barca, however. You know you live in a good place when despite the normal yearnings for a place just left behind, when the plan lands, your glad to be home. I am glad to call barca my home. What was previously a wild dream, then became an imminent reality, then became a chaotic storm, and now has settled to a manageable wildfire (the kind where some trees are burning, some more prolly will, no houses or businesses in the area, but enough to talk about it on the news). So that is where im at-home (for now).

2006-09-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

Mmmmmmmm........Beeerrrrr. As much as senor simpson enjoys his Duff, I strongly doubt that it could ever had tasted so sweet as my first sip (OK guzzle) for the opening of Oktoberfest. My brother, will, and I woke up that day feeling like 4 year olds on christmas morning. The night preceding being filled with anxious antipation and expectations of the following day.

We entered the "wiesn" with a bewilderment rare in my life. Not so much why am I here, more is this really happening right now, where am I going, what do i do once there, how do i get a seat, when can i have a beer dammit. our greatest horrors were realized after standing in line for an hour at our first destination, only to see the masses about face and head off to a new destination. we sent one troop out to peek over the horizon (matt) and will and i held down the fort for the time being. eventually we decided to cut our losses and start all over again. blah blah blah, so were all sitting down at the hippodrom, and the music begins to play. within a few minutes the buzz in the air has tripled and the anticipation of beer can be seen on every face in site, from eight year olds to eighty year olds. then the chaos begins, waiters carying 6, 8, 14 (yeah, 14) 1 liter steins. music and chatter filled the air and the beer went down like water (but tasted like nectar of the gods). with the beer came sociality and we quickly befriended our german counterparts, getting by mainly on numbers, a few choice german words, and oktoberfest spirit.

fast forward a few hours and we leave to check out a new scene. fuck, this is way too long.

There is no way to capture oktoberfest or any great place, event, feeling, emotion. etc. We had an amazing time, drank too much beer, ate too much wurst and pommes frites. The event more than lived up to my expectations. Although the aussie influence was annoying at times, it still felt like i was in the middle of age old german tradition. There are not many times in your life when one can pose the question, 'is there any other place in the world that i would rather be right now' and be able to answer a definitive NO. Well i had more than one of these moments, and with this feeling comes a small dose of guilt. why am i able to be here right now? and even more so, is it ok to feel these content when so many others arent?

Safe to say, this wont be my only trip to oktoberfest. I can only hope that next time I go I can mimic the true unadultered joy that I felt my first time. So, to all the german girls that squezzed into their corsettes for my viewing pleasure, all the waiters that strained their hands and forearms all day for my alcohol consumption and to all the animals that gave their lives for my fat belly, I thank you.

2006-09-13T15:16:00.000-07:00

It is sept. 13th, two days before i leave for munchen and oktoberfest. pretty excited about meeting up with my brother and staying in relatively nice accommodations. The reality of my endeavor has now been absorbed and the task, yet accomplihed, seems attainable and even as though i have some say-so as far as where ill stay and what ill do. before, it was like, i just need some place and any job. i know the job situation will be much more difficult to secur, but i hope to land a good gig-most likely as a bartender at an irish pub. ive had a lot of great thoughts and meaningful moments, but there is no way to put all those into words. it is very hard to even remember all of them, but i think the fact that at one point it made sense and went through your head in some way supplants itself into who you are. so it is not important to relay my life altering, mind-blowing, cosmic-shifting realizations and thoughts, but only that i had them.

I find myself in a constant struggle between two differing desires. One part of me wants this to be as foreign and difficult as possible (in the hopes that from the shittiness I grow and become some stronger, a flower from poop maybe if you will). Everytime i step into this realm, i find myself looking for some stability, something to ease my transistion. and then once i find that, i find myself once again wishing to be completely isolated and self supporting. i have made a friend here, a spanish aussie actually, who has acted as my brace to some extent. very cool girl that has for some reason adopted me as her lost puppy helped me so far in getting a good deal on a phone and beginning the apartment hunt. other duties of hers will hopefully include helping me with my resume and finding a job.

last weekend what was once a peaceful weekend in san sebastian for will and i (a romantic getaway but not in the homosexual type of way. kinda like a theme for us, romantic rhine in germany, the alps, quaint little towns, stunning scenery, and late night heart-to-hearts. its actually pretty hard to escape ones romantic side while travelling in western europe, there are so many cozy plazas and moments worthy of being spent with only somebody very special.) anyway, it gave my travelling solo experience a new twist. looking back on my brief solo stint, i realized how much i enjoyed it and how little i enjoy having to mold to others agendas. nuff said, dont travel in large groups, and we didnt for the book, maintained our space and had a quite a relaxing time at the beach and overlooking the city from yet another romantic viewpoint.

so oktoberfest is coming up and i am trying to shake this cold that i have been battling for a few days now. apparently, its hard on your immune system to stay out all night every night and walk all day. since ive gotten back to barca, i have laid low. today i toured a house made by gaudi, casa batllo. yet another time, where words and pictures do little justice, but to enjoy it, you must have an appreciation for almost psychidelic designs and dali-like visions. it was easy to kill a few hours here and was literally 50 yds. from my hostal. not many places do you just walk down the street and find something so amazing. countless times this has happened. walking through the sidestreets of la rambla the other day i come around a corner only to be towered over by the cathedral, which hides in the barri gotic. anyway, okfest is coming and im very excited, prolly blogg it sometime in the next week or so. hope all is well elsewhere, maybe next time i will remember what it is exactly that i have taken from this experience as of now.

2006-09-01T08:46:00.000-07:00

Whew! its been quite a whirlwind here, never real feel like i have time to sit down and write a blog and yet, i never have anything to do-funny how that works out. i have decided to let go of the past, and start a more recent blog approach. for those that really want to know an depth, write me an email with specific questions. possible questions might be, but are not limited to: a-how many smelly frenchman have you sat next to on a train b-what makes belgium beer so damn good c-if the moon was made out of chocolate, would you eat it d-if a cow falls off the side of a mountain does anybody hear its cowbell on the way down and e- what is the secret ingredient that makes rosti the delectable treat that it is. Anyway, no more lame attempts at humor, just hardcore journalism from now on out. I will sum up the rest of wilbur and i´s wild ride. the swiss alps--top 5 things ive seen in my life, most likely will remain there my whole life (unless dogs could really play poker, that would be pretty damn cool and might nudge it out). what can i say, 3 hrs of hiking down a mountain in the alps, munching on nuts and chocolate, feeling the cartiledge in my knees disappear into thin air. and the rosti, google it, go to switzerland, eat it, love it. from there we had an anticlimatic fianle in geneva. by far the worst city in switzerland, mainly due to the french influence. a day in barca in which i hauled two bags around the city for literally 6 hours or so a la rat in maze with no cheese at end. i had no plan really. then off to tomatina? not quite, brainless activity on my part leads me to the town of toledo. pretty cool in itself. had a few ¨"who am i" moments, but then rallied to really enjoy the city. then madrid, where i currently am. having a great time here. last night i wandered into a hookah bar, not quite amsterdam, but pretty coo. met a german girl, american girl, and spaniard there. went out, drank some boxed wine in one of many plazas, then did it up til the early morn. it was definitely a moment to savor, soaking in the spanish lifestyle, streets littered with people of all ages, street performers that would put the backstreet boys to shame, and a feeling of, "damn, am i really doing this right now?" the language thing is definitely difficult, but every time a make a little small stride i feel a great excitement. im starting to pick up more words here and there and hopefully will be able to get by a little better in another month or so. i feel very at home here in madrid, pretty comfortable. i like that the travelling solo routine is better. i met a few more people today, they were american girls that had lived in madrid for a year or more. they made me feel good about where im at and were very helpful. they were like the symbol of where i want to be language and comfort wise. im either going to meet back up with them or with the people from last night tonight. so, what did i do today? uhhhhh, hmmmmm, wellll, pretty much nothing. woke up at 10, not on my accord after a long night, went to a cafe, ordered a coke and mejillones, which i ordereed because i didnt know what they were. turns out it was the first time i had mussles, not my favoritte , but i finished them god dammit while people watching. then walked to the park Retiro, met those girls, walked through the park, found a shack and watched the end of the argentina spain bball game with some locals. i was exuberant with them when spain pulled it out. walked and got some food with the americans, and now im here at an internet cafe. next step, siesta baby. going out again tonight. i need to get out before i get timed out.

hasta luego

2006-08-26T08:01:00.000-07:00

Next stop for us came along the Rhine. Pretty tedious train ride to St. Goar from Brugges, so we were happy to make it and ready for a taste of the famed Rieslings from the region. Had some great weinershnitzel that night along with a nice bottle of Riesling that Will and I took care of pretty easily. We did our best to learn about the different types and the steps taken to decipher a bottle. Generally speaking, we went for the drier style and dabbled with those slightly sweeter. The next day we did a lil sightseeing at the Burg Rheinfels, one of the more in-tact castles in the region. Pretty cool to think about guys in armor carrying immense swords and others with their bow and arrows at the same place hundreds of years prior. From there, we went into a little wine shop and had a "wine tasting." The owner of the store gave us the tasting and is also a winemaker in the area. First , he gave us a taste of peach brandy, possibly the best liquor i've ever had. Then, for whatever reason, let is try his award winning ice wine. It is a dessert wine, meant to be savored. He told us it takes 60 lbs. of grapes, which are harvested at night when they are frozen, to make a single bottle of wine. If the whole winemaking process is not finished in a timely fashion, the whole crop is wasted. Well, it was delicious. We then tasted all of their brandies, i'd say 10 or more. Flavors ranged from a Christmas potpourri to raspberry to creme. We grabbed a bottle of his trocken (dry) riesling and a good sized bottle of the peach brandy to avoid to many consecutive hours without at least a little buzz. Got to love the all day Euro buzz. Have a beer or two at lunch, then another couple more with dinner, then a fewmore to cap off the night. We hopped on the last boat to Bacharach, one leisurely hour on the Rhine, after some more beer and bratwurst.

We continued our buzz with another beer in route and enjoyed the vineyard speckled mountains and imposing castles. We were rewarded when we got to Bacharach with a 20 minute uphill hike to our hostel, or should I say castle. Well it was both, Burg Stalheck. We had time for a quick bite in the oldest building in town before we had to be back at the hostel. First and only time we had a curfew, ridiculous. The second time we hiked up to our hostel was a bit more challenging after another bottle of vino, this time from Bacharach. Unfortunately, Bacharach was a really cool city, a little more so than St. Goar, but the life of a vagabond entails constantly picking up and moving on. It made it a little easier to know that we were headed the Swiss Alps. And we still had our peach brandy in case we came across any Sasquatch.

2006-08-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

8-23

So, I will do my best to find my way back through the smoke-filled coffeeshops of amsterdam and intimate brugges bars to update my sparce, but very well respected friends. Ahhhhhh, where to begin. Fucking Amsterdam, so unique, so amazing. Will's dad hooked us up with a nice hotel room for our 3 nights in amsterdam. Not only did we live like kings, but we felt like them too. Able to do what we wanted, when we pleased, our day normally started around 11 am or so. We'd head across the canal to this little dutch pastry shop, order a choco roenkoek and espresso and map out our itinerary. Surprisingly, a certain cloudiness lingers in my memories, but we did manage to have an educational experience at the van gogh museum.

What struck me about Amsterdam, is its peaceful and seemingly nonexistent dual nature. We stayed in a part of the city slightly out of the norm. At this location, we were able to see an aspect of life in "normal" amsterdam. Parents walking with their children, elderly people making their routine strolls through town, and the working locals. To these people, I visited on just another monday, in just another week in August. For me however, this was a "wow, I can't believe I'm actually here doing this experience." Anyway, what I love about amsterdam is that there are two sides to it. I spent a lot of my time in the areas where coffeshops flow like the salmon of capistrano, but was happy to get to see the amsterdam that we hear little of.

I have so much more to say about amsterdam, but my time on the computer is limited. Our next stop was in Brugges in Belgium. This city was everything that I expected it to be. A tiny medieval town known for its reknowned chocolate, beer and lace. First night we get there, we eat a nice meal in our hostel (best ribs ive ever had) then proceed to go to one of the greatest bars ever. 300-400 different belgian beers, great ambiance-sick. Everywhere we went, we drank amazing beer and incorporated as much chocolate as possible along the way. A typical day in brugges: waffle with chocolate sauce for breakfast, chocolates from one of the many chocolate stores in town as a snack, beer, a lil dinner (word of advice, don't order the toast cannibal. this guy that came out with us one night did and was presented with canned ground meat on toast, oh yeah, it was raw), then multiple beers. these arent bud lights, no, far from it. I'm talking 9.5 % westmaller trappist, 8% chimay triple, 8.5% bruges tripple. A meal in a beer basically. After a night of drinking, we'd head down to the center square and buy some famous frijtes and mayo to cap of the night and then have some chocolate when we got back to the room. A fairytale town with some of the nicest people, best beer, and best chocolate in the world. I feel as though im a better person after having been here. Maybe I haven't improved who I am as a person, but just being exposed to all Brugges had to offer makes me better than i was before. I dont care if it doesnt make sense.

2006-08-18T02:48:00.000-07:00

8-18

Whew! i made it in one piece with all my baggage. pretty crazy how one minute one can be drinking premium napa valley merlot and eating foie graux in the company of one´s family and within hours start a 29 hour trip half way across the globe to a place where everything, yes everything is foreign. from the pull flush toilet to the language, to the waiters wearing black wife beaters, to the intense and intimidating nature of such a bustling metropolis. After about an hour of R & R upon arriving at the hotel toledano, will and i walked la rambla. the weather felt like a perfect socal night and atmosphere was electric. we window shopped for tapas and settled on a little place off the main pathway. Turned out that it was a pizza place, but a few cold brews and pizza satisfied both of us. we will have plenty of time to enjoy tapas. well we are off to begin our next adventure. we are taking a flight to amsterdam, which will start a 12 day journey eventually culminating in switzerland. Along the way we will go to brugge in belgium (think beer chocolate and waffles), the rhine in germany (think riesling, beer, and castles), and then off to switzerland (think more chocolate, snow capped alps, and peaceful, diplomatic civilians carrying pocketknives). well i need to go, ill send out an email shortly, until then, write me back.

2006-08-14T14:50:00.000-07:00

8/14

The Calm Before the Storm

In less than 48 hours I will be on a plane to Madrid for an undetermined amount of time. The actuality of this event has really hit home within the past day or so. Although I have satisfied the necessities (what else do you need other than a passport and a ticket?), the small loose ends continue to elude my productivity. Even now, I'm making my first entry only to further procrastinate. Procrastination is not new to me, I honed my skills in college and like to think of myself as quite an efficient procrastinator. I procrastinate to the point of panic, then am able to pull myself together and get down to business. I suspect that this will be the case once again, I will call all those that I need to call, track down all pertinent contact info from those that I plan to stay in touch with, will clean up the kitchen after a night of good ol' Flegal (and friends) debauchery, call my credit card companies and alert them of my departure, get some form of exercise in, and then start the long competitive process of packing, pitting my favorite t-shirts against each other while keeping in mind their versatility, style, and "what does this shirt say about me?" characteristics. Ultimately, everything will work out, as it normally does but until then, I think I'll go watch some tv. It's not lost on me the amount to which I will miss American television. How could you not love an industry that glorifies teenagers that live in mansions on the beach, talentless glory-seekers, and stupid human tricks. I am scared about what might happen to me without my nightly dose of ESPN. I have always considered the glue that holds my life together. I fear that it will be like removing the moon from our solar system. The ocean will go crazy, their will be no ebb and flow as monstrous tides devour the coasts and everything else in its pathway.